Sunday January 31st 2010

Today i would like to begin my entry by speaking a little about a hero of mine who passed away wednesday.Howard Zinn was 87 when he passed away,and he lived a very productive and meaningful life.He was a retired Professor emiritus at Boston University,leaving the faculty two decades ago.Author of one of my favorite and often referanced books"A People's History of the United States." The book is a historically accurate narrative that includes many of the shortcomings of important historical figures like Christopher Columbus,Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.The book has been critcized and many of the mainstream media begin with statements like"He concentrates on what he see's as the genocidal depravations"of reveerd hero's of american history.Pointing out things that other historians either discount or completely ignore brought controversy as well as fame and the book has sold almost two million copies since its first printing in 1980.
Professor Zinn was as tough as nails,having worked in a shipyard and being a bombadier in W.W.II.He was an avid civil rights activist,and used his skills in history to bring attention to important and relevant past events and connect them to current problems in government and society.He would always offer intelligent commentary that usually included his practical solutions to whatever topic he was addressing at the time.I loved to hear him lecture or read from one of his extensive works,and the world will seem a little quieter without Professor Zinn.I hope his family will take solice in the fact that his was a gifted and important life,and many including myself are smarter and better citizens of this great nation as a direct result of his wisdom and knowledge he happily shared with us all.If you have never read any of his work,i highly recommend you to borrow a copy from your library or buy a copy for your book collection.This man was a genius and teacher extrordinare and i thank my sister Tina for introducing me to his work.
Things have been quite hectic at my house for the last few days due to alot of things going on with the family.As i have mentioned before we have alot of pets,and that takes alot of time to keep them healthy and happy.So along with our usual daily walks and playtime we like our animals clean,and this weekend was cage and tank cleaning.This is something we do routinely and it is kind of fun for the kids.They enjoy keeping the dogs busy while i clean and helping sanitize the cages and dishes means getting messy in the sink which my younger son especially enjoys.Some of these tasks are very difficult for me due to my medical issues,but the wife and kids always step up when they see me struggling.
When people ask me questions about my condition,sometimes it is very hard to respond in a polite manner.Even though i realize they are speaking out of genuine concern,i sometimes have to restrain myself from a snappy impolite response.The unrelenting pain leads me to want to yell at them"I am AWFUL,my back NEVER STOPS HURTING now STOP ASKING ME!!!!"but most of the time i just say i am alright how about you?"To understand the level of frustration involved is hard to explain,but when you love someone the natural tendancy is to want that person healthy and happy.So knowing someone you love has pain problems of course you want to know how you can help.Large groups of inner circle family and friends become affected by this because it disrupts relationships at an intimate level.People stop calling to extend social invitations because of the way the gloom of pain becomes palpable and brings down the overall mood of celebrations and gatherings.
The extended family and folks that are only around occasionally may not realize the extent that the immediate family takes alot of the burden along with me.Pain related mood swings can make me be curt or just plain grumpy and difficult to be around.Social engagements are broken at the last minute leading to hurt feelings and sometimes anger due to the explanations needed why you missed the event.Young children who miss a playdate or older children who miss practice or a date,embarrassment feels the same at any age.Personally i strive everyday to mitigate this to the best of my ability but i still do lose the struggle more than i win.
Te news from the last few days has been fairly intense,with the press reviewing the state of the union speech and new developments in the venue for trying the mastermind of 9/11,Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.The president also spoke at a republican conferance he was invited to by the House minority leader.This was an effort to show the american people that he willing to reach across party lines to try to win votes and pass some of the legislation in his agenda.My opinion on this is that the poison partisen atmosphere will continue and the country will suffer as a result.With the Global economy still fragile our leaders need to look strong and united to show stability and strength to the rest of the world.Instead they look like they would rather argue about positions instead of creating policy.
The congress has threatened to withhold the $200 million appropriation requested by the white house to fund the trials of KSM and other high profile terrorism suspects.Just the fact i am calling them terrorism suspects reveals my tendancy to agree these trials belong in civilian courts.Our federal court system and high security correctional facilities have a track record of successfully prosecuting terrorists,and my opinion is that they are very capable of doing it again.The fact that NYC may not be the best venue can be argued,but not used to score political points against The President or his Attorney General.Alot of the suspects that were captured at the beginning of the "War on Terror" have no evidence against them other than battlefield heresay given by unreliable sources.The rush to have suspects in custody for interrogations to prevent another 9/11 led to a dragnet type sweep that mostly gathered foot soldiers that were and still are of little value to our security.The inmates at Guantanamo Bay are used as an example,to show our military and intelligence agencies can be successful and they are something for the enemies of our nation to fear.If you take up arms with our enemies we will treat you to a lifetime of misery without any chance to see your family and friends ever again.This is is my humble opinion a theory that just does'nt pass legal muster,and only works as a tool for extremeists to recruit new misguided people to their ranks.
As i look on and listen to the factors weighing down economic growth and causing unemployment to rise,one factor continually gets mentioned.Regulation of the finacial markets is the only way to reign in out of control wall street companies that brought us to the brink of a second depression.There has been a few half baked efforts to tinker on the edges to satisfy the public and the "populist uprising"that seems to be gripping the country,but absolutly nothing is being done to change the excessive risk taking for short term gains on the part of companies that just one year ago needed billions of taxpayers money to stay afloat.Now these same companies are doing well enough to give out large bonuses to the very same people who pushed us to the brink of disaster.The term"moral hazzard"has lost all meaning as these firms are now confident in the knowlege that if they do well they will benefit finacially,and if they fail the government will step in and rescue them with our tax dollars.Credit default swaps,complex financial dirivatives,and other complicated new financial innovations that are risky but profitable continue.Many commercial real estate morgages are going to create another problem in the market very soon as well,say some finacial analysts.To top it all off alot of the "bad paper"or worthless bundled morgages and finacial contracts are still sitting out there with no set value and no market of interested investors.Was'nt TARP or the troubled asset relocation program created to purchase and hold this worthless bunch of paper that all these large institutions were almost bankrupt over?This is a question someone in government needs to explain to the taxpayers of this great nation.
As we continue on with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan,our men and woman in uniform continue to inspire me tremendously.I cannot thank them enough for their bravery and service to our nation.They are all brave warriors with my full support and i appreciate their and their families sacrifices on behalf of our great nation.Each time i awake in the morning i have a routine that includes saying a small private thank you to our military for the freedom my family enjoys.When the struggle with pain becomes unbearable i can think of the soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital,and at home,who are struggling with injuries that are far worse than mine,with horrible ptsd on top of their physical struggles.My respect and gratitude for these hero's seems to grow with every new story i hear.Today i am including a pic of a cute little kitty rescued off the street in the freezing cold with a broken leg to boot.As you can see in the picture we got her a cast and i am happy to report her cast is off and her leg is comming along nicely.Her name is Nya.The other kitty in the picture in my last post is baby,she is also a rescue and a welcomed new member of our family.I am going to end here so until next time,thank you for reading. Spacewalker

Thursday January 28th 2010

Well i did it,i posted a pic of my back.Hopefully readers won't be too offended as i was trying to just give a visual to show the reason behind my talking here about my physical challenges.Many people suffer back problems and the common nature of it is one reason it is sometimes misunderstood.My hope is that i may benefit from sharing my story and hopefully someone along the way may understand a little more about the life of someone in chronic pain.Along with many other ailments,chronic pain affects not only the patient,but the family as well.Limitations on social engagements and travel,as well as limited physical interaction affect the family unit in a profound way.Tremendous effort is neccessary to acomplish any type of schedule as i am unable to get up for long periods and miss alot of important childhood milestones in sporting events and the like.Bowling or basketball,skiing or soccer,dad not being there is just unacceptable.
I do my best to attend any and all of any extracarricular activity my children participate in,but i cannot control the physical barriers in my way.Lucky for me i have a great wife and two great kids and we get through these struggles together.As i mentioned in last nights post it is sometimes difficult to accept help and as a man i must admit pride gets in the way as well.The struggle with pain sometimes feels like it has the whole family stuck in this vaccum with no foreseeable way out.I hope as each day goes by i can find way to alleviate the burden of my health issues on my family.They deserve all the opportunity and happiness that there is and i will continue to do my best every day to see that i support them
The president made his state of the union speech tonight.As usual he was a brilliant speaker,and his words were measured and confident.He took the congress to task for its inability to function and the partisan nature of the debate.The problem as i see it is that nothing is going to change the way things are until there is a complete sweep of the incumbants that are up for re-election in november.This is highly unlikely,but losses on the democratic side seem a foregone conclusion.Losing the supermajority in the senate and several dozen congressioal seats will prove disasterous to the presidents agenda and could possibly leave his re-election in doubt.The fact that our government is functioning in a psuedo parlimentary manner will leave any progress on any of the important legislation out of the question until after the november elections.I will continue to watch and comment as this story develops.until next time thank you for reading. spacewalker

wednesday January 27th 2010

Well,here it is almost 1 am and i am having no luck sleeping.My back is absolutly unbearable right now.My evening dose of medication has worn off and i can't take another dose until 6 am.Heat sometimes helps,so i have a bed buddy thermatherapy back wrap that heats up in the microwave and gives me some relief,as does taking a hot bath or shower,which i have also done to try and get some rest.I get up at around 6am everyday for the morning routine with my children regardless of sleepless nights.I am sure this is common for many folks,but a night of unrelenting pain makes for quite a grumpy morning.
My wonderful wife offers to massage my back,but due to the hyper sensative scar tissue and the damaged verve roots from the collapsed disc above my fusion i am left unable to accept her kind offers.My animals offer companionship and love in these wee hours of the morning which is a tremendous spirit booster in this difficult struggle with pain.All the lost rest builds into sleep deficits that are almost impossible to overcome.Realising that my children deserve a peaceful calm start to a long school day(their bus arrives at 7am)with a healthy breakfast after morning hygiene is complete,i must appear happy regardless of physical difficulty.I want them not to have to worry about me,which is hard for them as they witness my frustrated attempts with seemingly easy domestic tasks.Laundry,dishes,even helping with making breakfast i have to stop and lay down for a few moments to relieve the leg pain i have that is a side effect of back pain.
It is not easy for people who don't either suffer back problems or live with someone who does to grasp the debilitating nature of this problem.When i go to the grocery store,or anywhere else for that matter,you would be unable to discern the differance between myself and someone in perfect health.This is the reason so many other issues become involved around chronic pain sufferers.Many people who are dependant on strong medication,as i am, are subject to unfair public stereotyping just because their medication is abused by addicts.When you announce you take methadone,you are assumed to be a heroin addict.Morphine is the same except some people think you may have something terminal and may be slightly less improperly judgemental.This leads me to sidestep the question when it comes up in social situations,like for example a family gathering where there are relatives who only ask out of concern.
I do also tell myself during these hard moments that there are so many other people with greater burdens,and i must be thankful and grateful for every single moment of life.We are only given a limited number of sunrises and sunsets on this wonderful planet and must greet each one with enthusiasm and appreciation.As i end tonight i want to say again,until next time thank you for reading. spacewalker

Tuesday January 26 2010

As i begin my entry today the news of gridlock in Washington still dominates the headlines.The President's state of the union speech is tomorrow,and he is rumoured to be changing focus from healthcare legislation to job creation.This is a move to try to reach out to the part of the population that is unhappy with the direction our country is going.Growing dissatisfaction with lack of progress on key issues,bailouts that bypassed main street to support wall street,and democrats inability to pass legislation even with a fillibuster proof 60 votes in the senate has proven disasterous for the presidents approval numbers.He will make an attempt to show Americans that he understands by the new restraints he is proposing for the banking and financial industry,and that jobs creation must be first priority.
With all of these challenges and a whole host of others that i have yet to touch on,I believe it will prove exceedingly difficult for him to stop the direction the electorate seems to be going.With appointments like Tim Geitner and Larry Sommers,wall street insiders and supporters of the very "too big to fail"financial institutions that brought the world to the brink of another great depression,he cannot distance himself from the stench of the bailouts.America is not ready for the New Deal style changes to the healthcare system before we emerge from this economic recession.Millions of people are out of work and companies are'nt expected to begin rehiring until early next year by most estimates.I believe there are still other shoes to drop in the stock market,with a large number of commercial real estate about to see the same large number of forclosures that proved so costly in the residential real estate market.These commercial leases got bundled and divided and wound into complex dirivatives that were then sold off the same way as the residential leases and morgages did.The losses are said to reach the trillions,a number that seems almost common nowadays.I wish our President luck tomorrow and will comment further after the state of the union.
Yesterdays social skills class with my son Matthew was awesome.He seemed very happy afterwards and told me he was looking forward to returning next week.The parental componant of the class was great,i enjoyed the time with other parents of special needs kids.We share similar challenges and it was good to share and get input from the facilitator on techniques to address our current concerns.We are lucky to be able to learn from each other and i look forward myself to our next appointment.My older son was a little unhappy as he was stuck sitting in a waiting room for an hour,but he was not difficult about it.Our little outing together after the class went over well with my boys,and i hope it will become a weekly routine that we can continue after the ten weeks is over.Weekly outings to a special meal together has potential to become memories they will carry with them into the future.As a dad i like to try to create good memories for them,as my parents did for me.One can only hope i suppose,with all the visual and auditory distractions facing our kids.I am going to post another pic of our pets,i decieded not to post the pic of my back as readers may find it disturbing or inappropriate.anyways,until next time thank you for reading. spacewalker

Monday January 25th 2010

Today i am going to begin by writing a little about my children.Regardless of my struggles with health issues,i am very lucky to be a stay at home dad.I get the privlige of sending them off to school,and welcoming them home.From bathtime to bedtime stories,these are days i will cherish as the boys grow into men.My usual daily routine is mostly domestic duties,but tonight we begin a social skills program that Matthew needs to aid him due to his being in the autism spectrum.It will last ten weeks and i am hopeful he and i will both learn alot.I look forward to the parent componant as it will be open forum to discuss topics of currant importance.
Matthew would be considered high functioning as far as his placement within the spectrum.At eight yrs old he sometimes struggles with recognising social cues,and he requires a pretty rigid schedule to maintain comfortable transitions from one task to the next.When things randomly change for whatever reason,this can upset him greatly.We use social stories to help with changes and we have been preparing for this class for several weeks now.
One of the meathods this group uses to help the kids define their personal space is they have them sit inside a hula-hoop.Some therapists use rug squares for this as well,a friend who works in the field tells me.I want my older son,Jeromy,to feel involved in helping Matthew too.Since his mother is at work he is forced to accompany us albeit unwillingly,so i offered to take them out to dinner after each class as a fun reward for participation.Jeromy has always been helpful in caring for his brother,including changing schools this year so they could be in the same school.He had to leave behind classmates he had been with for six years and enter a completely new peer group.I will continue to post comments on our progress in this class as move along through the weeks.
The news today includes familiar headlines,from a bombing in bagdad that killed three dozen and wounded many more,to the partisan rancor paralyzing the political process,to the upcoming state of the union speach by our president on wednesday.All of these topics are worthy of comments,and i am going to try to briefly touch on each for my personal opinion.I speak without any malice toward folks of opposite opinions,and if i offend anyone for my position please comment so i can understand and possibly ammend positions.Every single life lost is of consequence in this global fight we find ourselves in.Supporting our troops while opposing the war is a difficult balance to make.The changes in policy since the new administration has been in office have had a year to develop,and in my opinion we are not in a better position to bring these conflicts to a conclusion.Guantanamo Bay is not closed,and dozens of the captives have been deemed to dangerous to release but cannot be tried due to the sensative nature of information deemed classified from their captures.To hold people without charges in a war that seems open ended in nature is against all that freedom represents.The declaration of war on "terror" which is really a battle technique of small group of fundamentalist religeous extremists cannot meet the strict constitutional requirements to grant the president the "unitary executive"powers used in our democracy in war time,in my opinion.These powers bypass congressional and judicial oversight,and can only be used under limited and extrordinary circumstances.War on an ideal could last for decades or even longer and unchecked executive powers would leave our nation a broken shell of a once great demcratic republic.
The closer we move to the elections in november,the more evident it will become to everyone what unchecked corporate and union spending will do to the legaslative process.Already in turmoil from the partisan nature of our current political environment,fear of special interest attack ads will cripple politicians ability to address lightning rod issues that are critically important and need to be solved.From health care issues to security and foreign policy,they will avoid anything that threatens their electability.We can expect the process to become more bogged down,less progress on key legislation,and alot of finger pointing at who is to blame.Airwaves will be flooded,from radio and television,to billboard and internet.As our overloaded senses become numb to the deluge of information,local and national media outlets will reap finacial rewards.
As we lurch ahead in this poison partisan atmosphere,washingtons ugly underbelly will be revealed.Some liken the legaslative process to making sausage,but the meat grinder has completely frozen.For most of our countrys existance sunlight has been the untimate way to expose truth in politics.Since the sidestepping and delay tactics that have paralyzed Washington continues,fear will continue to allow lobbyists and special interests to dominate the political system while media outlets continue to benefit from new rounds of spending on political ads.I love this country,and i hope the next election will bring the change neccessary to give my children the future they deserve.I will end by saying until next time thank you for reading. spacewalker

Saturday January 23rd 2010

Today i want to begin on the news,as we all know there are some major winds of chance blowin towards Washington.The voters in Mass. sent a message that we are mad as hell and we are'nt gonna take it anymore.How much more obvious can it be that if a republican can take the seat held by the lion of the senate,the late great Ted Kennedy,that this november will be devastating to their chances of any legislation getting to the presidents desk.We all watch from a distance as gridlock and partisan posturing keeps our representatives from any progress on the issues that matter to all of us.Health care,security,foreign policy,the economy,pick which ever one you want and the roadblocks to progress will appear.Lobbyists spread money and influance votes and the average citizen recieves no ability to access their elected representation.Try to call or write to a senator or congressional representative and see what happens.You will either recieve a form letter drawn up by some office clerk and signed with a stamp,or you will speak to someone who promises to relay your concerns to up the ladder.
Seldom if ever do regular folks get granted the unfettered access lobbyists recieve in the halls of congress.To understand how washington functions,average folks like me need to use every avenue available to learn the ropes.These folks who lobby are mostly all former government employees and they are very familiar with the way the offices in the halls of power operate.This gives them the ability to block legislation without ever being brought out to face the same scrutiny that our half-baked media put elected officials under.Now that unlimited funds from corporations and unions will influance the elections through local and national news outlets,citizens can expect less and less from congress.With all the important issues facing our nation,it baffles me that they continue to ignore the will of the people and instead accept meetings,gifts,campaign donations and other perks and expect us to believe they are'nt influanced in their votes made on our collective behalf.As the voters in mass. have shown,we can make a differance if we really want our country back.Instead of making excuses and blaming each other,i hope our reprensentatives finally come together to accomplish something substantial to benefit the people and not special interest groups.But i doubt it will happen.
Whenever i get a chance to impart wisdom or knowlege to my children,no matter where or when,i always mention the fact we all are equals in this world.From the rich and powerful to the poor and meek,we are only four people away from every person on this earth.No matter what your place in this world,you matter.The only differance between poverty and prosperity is a person.We all are important and we all are part of the same family. We need to recognise and acknowlege each other for our importance.My children,just like all kids,struggle with childhood and the difficult challenges it brings,and someday i hope that they grow into productive prosperous citizens.In the meantime the chance to help them along the way is one of the greatest gifts and i really feel lucky to be their dad.All the different people in the world,all the challenges we face together need to be taken with our children in mind.The local Indian tribe of iroquios that my wife has ties too says you must look ahead seven generations and access the impact of decisions on those in our future.This seems very difficult in todays political environment,but if we don't care about future generations we are already lost.With no picture of the future,our children will replay the past.well,i feel like i need to end here,but before i do i wanted to say i am going to post a picture of my back as a way for readers to understand my disability and my struggle with chronic pain.I hope no one finds it offensive,but if so,please let me know so as too remove anything not relative to my writings.I hope to be able to show some of my pets too,as we are a family of animal lovers and i will be mentioning them from time to time.until next time,thank you for reading.
spacewalker

Friday January 22nd 2010

As i begin today i would first like to acknowlege my friend Dennis,without whom i would not be back online.He helped me tremendously by fixing the laptop i was gifted by my older brother,which needed some major upgrades to be able to recognise my modem and so on.I am not very tech saavy,and without his help i would still be stranded offline.So a GIANT THANK YOU to you Dennis for all your help.This guy has rescued me from car and boat problems so many times i cannot count.His mechanical aptitude has proven to be the only way for me to have a roadworthy car or seaworthy vessel and i am lucky to have a friend and neighbor like him.Thanks again brother Dennis.
To update a little on my back pain issues i want to mention a pain clinic visit i had on Thursday.This was just a routine visit,but the doctors i saw seemed to put extra effort forth to comfort me.The clinic is part of a teaching hospital so i get to see alot of residents who always seem very eager to help,but the Physician in charge is always extremely gracious and compassionate to me.This visit resulted in a slight increase in my main pain medicine,and consultation regarding future surgery.I am on the fence still about any more surgical intervention,but i am really limited in my choices for relief.Living with chronic pain is very difficult to understand because sufferers are at first void of any obvious physical limitations that are present in other debilitating disabilities.looking at a chronic pain sufferer it would be hard to distinguish the differance from a normal healthy person.Upon closer inspection though,small differances become more and more obvious.The person seems unable to find any comfortable position to sit or stand.Eyes are a good clue as well,due to the sleepless nature of the struggle with pain.A few hrs at a time,if you are lucky,but any real rest seems a distant memory.Black circles develop and seem to show the signs of insomnia.
Continuing on i think some headlines in the news are in need of public discourse.It seems that because of the daily toils of family and work,or looking for work,seem to dicourage this much needed part of living in a democratic society.In my humble opinion folks need to start sticking their heads out the window and scream"i am mad as hell,and i'm not going to take it anymore."Until we can find common ground and have civil public discourse on the issues that effect us all,the powers that be will continue to ignore our plea's and destroy what is left of the historically young experiment of a nation we call our home.The supreme court has deceided to allow corporations and unions the ability to spend any amount of money on Election advertisement,overturning a 63 yr old law and several of their own prior decisions.I believe that this is going to be ruinous to our democracy and any chance of free and fair elections taking place.
A note in the margins of a non-ruling by the court in the late 1800 is the basis for the idea that a corporation is the same as a person in the eyes of the law.The note was made by a clerk of the court and should have no legal binding opinions based on this clerks margin note.This seems silly to me,but is very serious due to the weight that this is given in relation to current decisions made by the court.This current political environment is being called populist uprising on the part of the key voters,independants.The voters who through the washington system into turmoil in the senate race in mass. are just the beginning,in my opinion.This will continue on into the next election cycle and the losses suffered on the part of democrats will be large.The problem is no matter what happens,the only option to make real change will be out of the hands of the voters.In order to make a serious impact on the way our country operates,we need a sea change in washington.The whole of the incumbants need to be ousted.
My daily routine revolves around my wife and children,and i truly believe in my country and its ability to rebound from the ashes after the people awaken to the reality of their surroundings.I am on an island here it sometimes seems,but as the repercussions of the current political dissent continue it will be the people that stand up and speak out that make a differance.Commenting is not enough,we need to get up,go out and make the changes happen ourselves.It may seem impossible in the face of the struggles life brings us each day,but together we must be to face the challenges of the future.My family is lucky to live in this great nation,and i will try to show my children by example that we must all contribute what we can to make it remain the Free and democratic nation that all others strive to emulate.I am going to end here by saying until next time,thank you for reading. spacewalker

Tuesday January 19th 2010

Today started out real good for me and the kids.We all were up at 6:25 and each of us were happy to greet a new day.We ate a little breakfast of sliced apples and grape juice and flew through the morning hygiene routine without a hitch.With the weather being cold and damp my pain level is fairly high,but slightly mitigated due to the ease of our bright and happy awakening.The kids were off on the bus at 7:00 on the nose,and i did my best to walk our dogs.i am working on a older laptop due to the computer problems i mentioned in previous posts.It works fine and i am grateful to have it,again a gift from a kind family member.My older brother was kind enough to let me have it and i really appreciate it.I am very lucky to have a large family that gets together regularly.We all have our extended family groups that spread us out,but we always find ways to spend some time with one another.I still am fairly new at this and will write occasionally about family matters that i feel will make worthwhile reading.Notable stories that are headline news lately include the Haitian eathquake tragedy.This story gets worse by the day with the number of dead topping 200,000 as of todays estimates.A million homeless and the scope of the devastated infastructure is just beginning to come into focus.Sitting here it is difficult to be struggling with issues of such as mine while seeing the level of suffering being endured by the people of Haiti.I feel the same way when i see the Faces of the families of our fallen war heroes,as well as the brave men and women who have come home injured in body mind and spirit.No matter how difficult my struggle seems to me,I must be grateful each and every day for the blessings in my life.Today has started with a smile for me and i hope it has for you as well,as i end this post let me say until next time thank you for reading. spacewalker

Sunday January 18th 2010

i am happy to say that i am back online again and i am very happy to be here.My older brother gave me a computer and i am back to write and surf.It seems like forever that i was offline,and alot has happened in the time i was gone.The most important is the quake in Haiti.What an awful tragedy for the people of that nation.I am humbled at the scope of the rescue operations and the folks involved.These are the reasons we all need to come together as a group of the same people fighting the same problems.Looking at the suffering people puts aside all pol
itical and social differences we have.No one can deny people the basic needs like food and water and shelter without consequences.As the days go by i hope the situation will get better for those suffering.I will continue on later after the children go to bed.until then.... spacewalker

Today is another difficult day in my health struggle.I am having a difficult time with my pain control due to the built up tolerance to the medication i take.It is normal and routine to adjust medication for whatever reason,but in pain control it is difficult to find an acceptable dosage that you can maintain for a long period.As my tolerance increases so does my pain level,which in turn sabotages any progress i have made.The muscles need to be used or they begin to loose mass,and that also adds stress on the unused or underused body part,in my case the lower back.
The Doctors at the pain clinic i go to are wonderful and smart,but the field is one that is underesearched and underfunded due to controversial pharmacutical drugs and newer medical devices.The medical devices for long term chronic pain include but are not limited to dorsal column stimulators and drug delivery pumps that are implanted under the skin.My personal experience with the stimulators includes having several implanted and removed with variable success.I got alot of relief but the leads migrated and caused other areas to be stimulated.This had unintended consequences such as painful contraction of my stomach muscles.i will end here as my computer is still having problems.until next time thank you for reading. spacewalker

Well,today i am still having problems with my computer and i don't know how long it will allow me to write so i will make this post as brief as i can.The news of the last several days surround the attempted bombing of a jetliner on Christmas day.How lucky we are that the brave passengers and crew heroically saved the world from another heinous attack.I am glad our Government has chosen to prosecute this terrorist in federal court,as opposed to a military tribunal.Those military trials are in no way in the national interest.My personal opinion is we have the best justice system in the world,and have already successfully prosecuted terrorists like Richard Reed(the Shoe Bomber)and Ramsey Yusef(first World Trade Center bomber).
Our national security is more threatened by policies and practices that are used as recruiting tools by the organizations that want to harm the U.S..The Guantanamo Bay facility is one example,and not closing it as promised is a giant mistake.Along with extrordinary rendition and CIA black sites,this helps radicalize young men with few other options for income.In order to remove the motivation used by poor uneducated men in nations that have little or no government like Yemen and Somalia,we need to be helping them to build or rebuild economic opportunity.The basic needs of everyday life is what is lacking in the lives of those low ranking members of these terrorist groups.i will continue on this subject as my computer problems are repaired i will say goodbye and thanks for reading. spacewalker

Well,today i am still having problems with my computer and i don't know how long it will allow me to write so i will make this post as brief as i can.The news of the last several days surround the attempted bombing of a jetliner on Christmas day.How lucky we are that the brave passengers and crew heroically saved the world from another heinous attack.I am glad our Government has chosen to prosecute this terrorist in federal court,as opposed to a military tribunal.Those military trials are in no way in the national interest.My personal opinion is we have the best justice system in the world,and have already successfully prosecuted terrorists like Richard Reed(the Shoe Bomber)and Ramsey Yusef(first World Trade Center bomber).
Our national security is more threatened by policies and practices that are used as recruiting tools by the organizations that want to harm the U.S..The Guantanamo Bay facility is one example,and not closing it as promised is a giant mistake.Along with extrordinary rendition and CIA black sites,this helps radicalize young men with few other options for income.In order to remove the motivation used by poor uneducated men in nations that have little or no government like Yemen and Somalia,we need to be helping them to build or rebuild economic opportunity.The basic needs of everyday life is what is lacking in the lives of those low ranking members of these terrorist groups.i will continue on this subject as my computer problems are repaired

Friday January 1st

Today is the first day of a brand new year.Its very difficult to explain but i am both happy and sad to welcome another year.Sad because it seems my options for any relief from my health issues are very few.It is very hard to accept this is how i must go through each day.My body is so racked with pain and the meds are only providing minimal help.The surgery that i need is just too risky and gives no real hope to me that i will get better.
At the same time i have two boys that offer me great reasons to look ahead with hope.Even if i continue to get worse physically,these guys get stronger and smarter and bring me joy every day.When i look at them it reminds me of all the potential each one of us holds.One person can make all the world take notice.My children are a gift that i am grateful for each and every day.To that end i must also thank my wife for all her help and love she provided me with in the past year.having some computer problems so i will end for now by saying good bye and thanks for reading....spacewalker