Well,here it is almost 1 am and i am having no luck sleeping.My back is absolutly unbearable right now.My evening dose of medication has worn off and i can't take another dose until 6 am.Heat sometimes helps,so i have a bed buddy thermatherapy back wrap that heats up in the microwave and gives me some relief,as does taking a hot bath or shower,which i have also done to try and get some rest.I get up at around 6am everyday for the morning routine with my children regardless of sleepless nights.I am sure this is common for many folks,but a night of unrelenting pain makes for quite a grumpy morning.
My wonderful wife offers to massage my back,but due to the hyper sensative scar tissue and the damaged verve roots from the collapsed disc above my fusion i am left unable to accept her kind offers.My animals offer companionship and love in these wee hours of the morning which is a tremendous spirit booster in this difficult struggle with pain.All the lost rest builds into sleep deficits that are almost impossible to overcome.Realising that my children deserve a peaceful calm start to a long school day(their bus arrives at 7am)with a healthy breakfast after morning hygiene is complete,i must appear happy regardless of physical difficulty.I want them not to have to worry about me,which is hard for them as they witness my frustrated attempts with seemingly easy domestic tasks.Laundry,dishes,even helping with making breakfast i have to stop and lay down for a few moments to relieve the leg pain i have that is a side effect of back pain.
It is not easy for people who don't either suffer back problems or live with someone who does to grasp the debilitating nature of this problem.When i go to the grocery store,or anywhere else for that matter,you would be unable to discern the differance between myself and someone in perfect health.This is the reason so many other issues become involved around chronic pain sufferers.Many people who are dependant on strong medication,as i am, are subject to unfair public stereotyping just because their medication is abused by addicts.When you announce you take methadone,you are assumed to be a heroin addict.Morphine is the same except some people think you may have something terminal and may be slightly less improperly judgemental.This leads me to sidestep the question when it comes up in social situations,like for example a family gathering where there are relatives who only ask out of concern.
I do also tell myself during these hard moments that there are so many other people with greater burdens,and i must be thankful and grateful for every single moment of life.We are only given a limited number of sunrises and sunsets on this wonderful planet and must greet each one with enthusiasm and appreciation.As i end tonight i want to say again,until next time thank you for reading. spacewalker
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